TournoiDubai 2001

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bmi finance - Chiller Killer in a thriller in a Villa but not in Manila

 

16 September 2001. Castle Donnington.

Following on from last weeks shock revelations, bmi british midland are waiting with baited breath as Ian killer Calladine proclaimed he has two more sessions with his masseur prior to announcing himself either fit or unfit to play in DubaiTournoi 2001. The next session will take place a week on Wednesday, weather permitting. With a final session two weeks later above some chip shop on the dark side of town. He has proclaimed that his visits are giving him relief and also that his crushed vertebrae are getting better. A number of potential replacements are being considered: Jeffrey Archer, Gordon Gecko (no not the one from the film wallstreet but the Lizard at London Zoo) or Lilly Savage.

All at bmi have their fingers crossed. Who knows which way the masseurs fingers are pointing?

 

bmi finance team hit by crisis

 

10 September 2001. Castle Donnington.

bmi british midland announced major problems with their starting line up for DubaiTournoi 2001. Interviewed in his luxurious Hastings House office Alan Bird, bmi team manager and all round raconteur, spoke frankly about the issues facing his squad in the build up to their Dubai tour.

Tony 'Lord Whitby' Whitby has well and truly damaged the fingernail on his right index finger tossing a salad in a

wooden bowl and has pronounced himself unfit to participate in such a gruelling physical challenge as Tournoi Y2K1. He has indicated a willingness to join the millions supporting the event in DXB by the touchline, rather than watch with the other three people on TV pay per view.

Ian Killer Calladine claims to have crushed two of the vertebrae in his back. He is currently receiving Osteotherapy from a girl who lives close to Forest Road, Hyson Green, Nottingham. This star of Tournoi Y2K is said to be gutted and sick as a parrot as his participation in the Tournoi is in doubt. The rest of his team are quite naturally over the moon. It is a strong belief that cutting out spanking and chandelier swinging from his daily routine may make him still a probable for the rebranded bmi team.

Chris 'little Chris' Graham has a cartilage operation at the beginning of October and will therefore play either outfield or in goal with the aid of crutches. He is still expecting to be player of the tournament. Cocky little bastard!!!

'Lover boy' Andy Hacket, Fletch and Birdie have been pronounced alive and will therefore definitely participate.

'Captain' Craig 'Gillie' Gilbert still has three weeks of his intensive pilot training to complete before he pronounces himself fit and able to play. Trouble is, last November he had three weeks to go before he rejoined bmi.

 

 

 

 

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